I started getting a tickling cough yesterday afternoon. Didn’t think much of it at the time, but as the day passed, it just got worse and my throat went really sore. In the end I couldn’t sleep, had to take Day Nurse tablets and the following morning (now), I lost my speech altogether.

Other than that, I feel fine. But why must I get these small irritating little illnesses all the time? I never get properly ill at all. (Should probably be happy about that)

I hope this cough goes away over the weekend so I can go to African Dancing on Monday.

Doing my essay at the moment. Since I’m stuck in my flat, I might as well! (it was actually my original plan anyway).

My essay is about Traditional Illustration VS Digital Illustration. It is a very personal essay which reflects my own views on the subject. When the tutor said: “This essay is YOUR opinion”, I was almost bouncing in my seat.

I have barely started and I’ve already done 900 words (the essay is only 1.5k words, which is very short). For this reason, I need to hold back and will probably end up editing out a loooot of rambling.

Here’s is a first rough draft of a bit of the introduction:

I aim to argue the importance of physical process in illustration and how it is beneficial for not only yourself as an artist, but also for viewers of your art. My hope is that by the end of this essay, if the reader happens to do digital art, they will at least consider moving away from the computer screen and back into the real world.

I also wrote in the very beginning (just to avoid death threats :D):

(…)This makes the essay very personal, which means that it will be influenced by my own prejudice and hostility towards digital work.

Here are some random snippets from my writings so far:

“An Illustrator without a scanner is an illustrator without a job.”

“The fact that I cannot physically touch the artwork disturbs me greatly.” (on photoshop created work)

“In the real world, you cannot ctrl - z.”

“The question an artist should be asking him or herself is the most simple but yet complicated one: “Why am I doing this?”. For me, the traditional way of doing things is engaging to the point where you lose track of time and feel like you are in a continuous high. It is the most fulfilling way of getting your thoughts out on paper. You choose your medium, you mix you own paint, cut your own textures, get really close to your creation, touching it and cradling it like your child. You step back, you admire it or see what you need to change. It’s right there in front of you. It is most of all, in the physical world where others can come and look at it, touch it, smell it and absorb it, just like you did while creating it.

It is the worshipping of process that drives me to write this essay and explain myself. I want others to feel the power of slow physical process. There are no layer building with the click of a mouse and the use of a wacom tablet in front of a screen. You get your hands dirty and you get properly involved. By removing the screen, the clean mouse and the tablet, you are placed face to face with your creation without any barriers. I believe in the importance of using just about all your senses while creating your art (yes, even taste! Figure that one out!). Truly by removing the barriers, you come closer to not only your creation, but in a way to yourself and your own thoughts. It is both physically and mentally fulfilling. It is also sometimes terrifying. Is that not what art is about?”

These are my first drafts, so it’s very rough still. Just wrote it like an hour ago or so :P Let me know what you think if you’re interested in this sort of stuff. Feel free to give me constructive crits, both in my way of writing (I’m not English remember!) and my arguments.

Yesterday I went to Kung Fu with Rich and Luke. We did soft style White Crane. Think like… Tai Chi. I thought it would be easy. I mean, cmon! It’s SLOW and I’ve seen it being done by old people on TV! Surely it must be easy! harr harr harr.

It was just about the hardest exercise I’ve done in about… 3 years. 500 times harder than African Dancing. In fact, so hard that I can’t walk today. My instructor (Who is GOD) said yesterday: “You will be sleeping well tonight.” And when I told him I was shaking (since my legs were visibly shaking during practice) he just said “Don’t worry. You’ll get stronger.” I don’t think I’ve ever met such a gentle and thoroughly nice instructor ever since Taijutsu Robert (I love Robert). Even though Robert would hurt me a lot with twisting limbs and pressure points… Aaah. Back in the days. :P

Anyway! With this Kung Fu, I just didn’t feel inferior. Even though I am embarrassingly unfit and get bright red. I just felt really welcome there. Here comes the best news. You know how I’ve been saying that I have a very busy head, yeah? Always stuff going on in my head until it stresses me apart. But during Kung Fu, I was so focused on the breathing and movement that my head was silent. Completely silent.

Now THAT is the most compelling reason for me to go back. It calms me down dramatically.

The morning after (now, that is), even though I can’t walk properly, I feel very good. Both physically and mentally. Just really good.

I’ve tried so many martial arts over the years. I’ve done Karate, Ju-jutsu, Bujinkan Budo Taijutsu, Capoeira, Iaido, Jodo, Tai Chi… But I think that Fujian White Crane Kung Fu might just be the one for me.

I’ve been extremely exhausted both physically and mentally. Up to the point where I’ve either been sleeping for 15 hours straight or lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling for 6 hours.

Yesterday I decided to get out of Emo Ville and just get on with it again. Things won’t get any better by lying around, worrying about things.

So! I met up with Luke in the afternoon and went out for a coffee. Had a chat and a good time in general (gotta bless friends). Even though I had a headache the entire day (blegh), it didn’t really matter.

When I came home in the evening I started working again. As a way of relaxing I first of all spent about an hour or so, lying on the sofa, listening to Thomas Newman with a notebook in my hands. After that I started writing conversations for Nebo and painting the comic pages. This had nothing to do with my University projects and was also a way of me to relax my brain. I need to get things off my head on a daily basis. Funnily enough, that morning I had been watching BBC News and there was a lady there who had written 9 novels and was talking to a reporter. I quote:

“It’s a way for me to keep sane really! I hear all these stories in my head and I need to write them down!”

That’s EXACTLY what I feel. There’s loads and loads of scenes, characters, stories, conversations, animations etc etc crammed inside my head. If I don’t get it out I get stressed and just explode!

So what about today then? :D

Well. I will start off with working on my essay proposal form and the tasks etc. Need to get this done before Christmas. I will take regular breaks to work on Nebo to clear my head, and maybe later I might go to the organic food market that’s in town every Wednesday. Their soup stall is orgasmic. Really!

In total I’ve slept for about 15 hours and have a headache to match.

This is an interesting start to my day. I’ve missed my workshop. What do I do now?

Well… ACTUALLY.

After a long chat with a very close friend, I am getting closer to understand my own manic tendencies. When I say ‘manic tendencies’, I mean obsessive working. Not just doing it all the time, but also thinking about it whenever I’m not doing it (like just before going to sleep, or while having lunch with friends). So it’s always there. It’s quite weird really.

So what’s the problem? Well. When I work hard, I tend to push everything else aside. That includes vital tasks like paying bills (oops) and calling student finance companies (oops). It also includes friends, family and even Tom. I think everyone will agree that this is quite bad of me. But at the same time I can’t take art in moderation. When I get immersed in it, I devote my entire attention to it. Obsessively. That’s the only way I do it. If I don’t focus on it, I simply can’t do it!

Does this make any sense? In a way, I am painting myself into a corner because of this. On the one hand, I’ve got a wonderful social life and on the other I’ve got some amazing art that keeps my head sane. It probably sounds really dramatic now! Don’t worry. It’s not. It’s just me trying to figure myself out with a silly blog post :D Never gonna happen.

The most given advice is: “RELAX GODDAMNIT”.

… But my way of relaxing is drawing!

… Arrrrgh! Brrrraaaainssss.

My head is not where it should be today. Will I be able to focus on my project work and the print workshop? Let’s hope so.

No more late night coffee for me. Screws you up. :(

Been doing Nebo for two days straight now. Going a bit doggy mad in my head. Wheee.

Hopefully I can get my site up. I think I’m addicted to sites! :D

Busy busy busy.

Doing many things at the moment, but also managed to grab a working camera. Apparently family members at home have not seen me for ages, so while I look around for a webcam (lost mine :( ) I figured I’d just take some updated pictures of me at some point. If I remember, I’ll bring the camera with me on the next Print workshop so you can see the awesome print machines! Can also take pictures of our house, of University and of Bristol in general. yum!

Now I’m off for an entire day of lifedrawing. 7-8 hours of naked people. Wooooo!

And to confirm for Swedish friends, I will be coming home on the 21st of December and leave on the 5th of January.

Foo Fighters - Home

Wish I were with you
I couldn’t stay
Every direction
Leads me away
Pray for tomorrow
But for today

All I want is to be home  

This song randomly started playing on my ipod as I walked home from African Dancing yesterday. Bristol was actually surprisingly quiet. I didn’t meet a single person on my trail home after parting with Alice and Mithi. I had to stop for a while on one of the bridges and just stare out at the city. It’s times like that when I feel both incredibly lucky and unlucky. Hard to explain. :D

My parents had called me earlier and updated me on life in Sweden. My mum said that she thought I was able to take care of myself very well, but it is also hard on her to know that I’m not in the same country. Sometimes I can overhear people in my illustration class chatting about visiting their parents over the weekend and I can’t help but feel slightly jealous.

If people say I’m grown up, they couldn’t be more wrong. I am still a kid who needs her mum and dad and brothers and aunties and grandma’s. I have such a close bond with my family at home that it sometimes feels crippling not to be able to see them more than once or twice a year.

This Jen can’t wait for Christmas.

Morning emo, Off! Time to do some washing up, then a shower, then some cleaning and THEN in to Uni to finish off my Lithography prints. Ta ta~!